Bite Me

L-I-V-I-N

Sunday I went to a BBQ in the country. There were horses at the house next door, and the kids and I walked over to the fence to feed them grass. The horses had names, but we named them for the brief time we were with them; Cow, Julie and China. We were standing with some other kids, who were clearly from the country because they had no hesitations as they fed the horses. George joined the likes of them, and loudly giggled as he pet the horses head and wet nostrils. Kiki would throw the grass at the the fence and shriek.
The horses started getting excited and antsy from being around the kids. China, the littlest horse of the three, was behind Julie, trying to push her way through. Julie was annoyed by the little horse, and she turned around and bit her on the neck. All the kids were defensive of little China, and said things like, "Julie should go to time out for biting," and "Biting is bad, Julie." When China didn't take the hint, Julie kicked her in the ribs. I got nervous that this was the beginning of a horse brawl, where the wire fence wouldn't protect us from flailing horse feet.
"Ok, one last feeding, then we need to go." Kiki threw her grass at the fence while screaming, and we walked back to the BBQ.

I started this blog almost a year and a half ago. I thought I'd make it a hipster fashion blog, but I quickly realized there are thousands of other people out there doing it better, and I'm not as passionate about fashion as I'd hope to be. My flex rules about workout clothes in lieu of outfits builds the case that I frequently have days where "I gave up" and "can't be bothered."
The blog morphed into nonfiction narrative, funny stories from my day-to-day. I think the stories can be a bit shock value, but they are my truths, and truth can be fucking ugly sometimes. The blog allows me to be creative, and gives me a lot of happiness. I am proud of it, and I have my favorite posts, and my least favorites.
One of my first posts is about leggings and visible panty line, VPL. It is my most frequently viewed post because it shows up in search engines for people looking to jack off to fat asses in legging. I am not fucking you. My Blog Statistics shows "Fat Ass in Leggings" too often for me not to cringe, but it drives traffic, so I'm grateful for that.
Kim Kardshian gets loads of shit because she is always tweeting her nakedness. She likes to think people who are unimpressed with her are slut shaming her, but really they are just saying, if you want to get the R-E-S-P-E-C-T then don't flash your junk to the world. I don't really care either way. There are times when I wake up, and after stripping down to get in the shower, admire myself for way too long in the mirror. Sometimes, I take pictures because I think, "I might want to see this one day."
So yeah, I can't just hand my phone over to someone to flip through pictures because I have too many naked photos of myself on there. On a side note, to discuss in more depth at a later date, is it gay and incestuous to jerk off after taking naked pictures? (Whats with trying to label everything? It's the fashionista in me.)
Would I be embarrassed if my naked pics were out there? I doubt it because I probably wouldn't take so many if I weren't somewhat proud of them (I delete the ugly ones, of course.) Kimmy Kardashian is annoying because her slut shaming essay says she's proud of herself, even her flaws. Listen, slut, were happy you're happy you're a slut, but when you call your blow-up-doll plastic surgery constructed self "flawed," it can make other people say, "if she's flawed, then what the hell does that say about the rest of us who aren't willing to get cut up for our beauty?" Her slut pride celebrates sexuality but reaffirms truly ridiculous beauty standards.

So I go with the flow with my blog. Sometimes it's funny stories, sometimes it's serious shit, movie or book reviews, feminist rants, and other times just tired streams of consciousness. I'm putting out my truth, and beauty is in the head of the reader, but if someone has a problem with the story, or wants me to tame it down, well, please accept my flaws, or else, you can Bite Me, in which case you will be sent to Time Out, without any screen time.