Braggadocios

Were all born naked, the rest is drag, -RuPaul Charles

Winter seems to be wrapping up around here in Northern California. I'm so quick to jump the gun, the kids and I went to Target and bought bathing suits to prepare for summer. Even though this winter is mild compared to last year, it seemed we had a lot more consecutive days of grey. I was combatting the blues before we had our unexpected burst of great weather. It could be the grey, the unknown, really a combination of variables, like mid-January unexpectedly finding out Bertha accompanied my kids on a New Years trip to Southern California. Whose Bertha? Oh, it's a fictitious name for the woman my kids hang out with every other weekend. I think it's a great name that really reflects her big hearted, stern and charming personality. When I get the chance to meet Bertha, I'll change the name if necessary.

There is a surprise around every corner these days, but some are pretty cool. Like I got hired to teach at Sac State in a whirlwind, and so this term I'm working at two campuses. Teaching offers quite a bit of flexibility, but I keep telling people, I want to reign in a full time thing by fall because driving all around and not having the stability 4 months out, is really for a different cut of person than myself.

I'm still applying for office jobs, and thought I was getting one after the HR screening lady and me had such a great chat. I thought I did well on the critical thinking test she sent me. I told my friend Deborah at work, "I think I failed the personality test!"
I kept answering this one question over and over again, cementing my inclination to not tell people when I do something great. I figure it's good to be humble, but in retrospect, they want braggadocios. Even the word "braggadocios" is braggadocios, and makes me feel stupid.
Deborah and I spend hours on Tuesdays talking about everything. She's a brilliant PhD from Berkley, whose maybe 75, and she comforted me by saying, "You know, most of the time those jobs go to people's friends, so don't worry too much about the personality test."
She's right. Plus, fuck a personality test.

A new years resolution was to implement a morning routine that will keep me focused for the day. I wake up early and do a bit of journaling and then meditative exercises. It works well if I go to bed at 8pm. During meditative time, I usually picture myself on the beach, watching the waves and soaking up sun. For some reason, after the first week of school, I started visualizing myself laying on a gigantic rose petal, lounging into the flower. It was so soft and comfortable.

Two weeks ago Oprah and RuPaul had a great Super Soul Conversation. It was so good I've already listened to it four times. During one part they talk about being confronted with people who are aggressive, rude or just an overall shit thorn in the side, both of them said, "It isn't even about you!" I kind of already had this notion brewing in my head, but when someone comes into class the first week and every things a big problem, and they can't get over this hurdle of everything being a gigantic problem, and it makes them rude and aggressive, I become a bit disheartened, and in a grand attempt to not have a negative attitude poison the well, I give cliche speeches on being successful and having respect for everyone in the class.

RuPaul talks about how he gives pep talks to the contestants, and really he's telling this stuff to himself. I feel like these watered down Tony Robbins talks I have with the kids at school is really the same. I am telling myself this shit just as much as them.

My kids and I came up to Tahoe for fresh air. I had a realization while running; the last month of grey and rain is coming to an end. Spring is coming. I am going to get a job, find a house. For some reason I was listening to music from a decade ago. It was like I was back in my Dodge Neon sitting in traffic on the 405 listening to 103.1, think Lazy Eye and Neon Bible.

Ten years ago, my cousin and I lived close to Venice Beach. Even though the traffic in LA is absolutely insane, you never have to worry about combating the SADs. My cousin is now living in the Pacific Northwest and had to invest in some giant light screen to keep her spirits high. I'm thinking I might get one of those too, for next winter, get it in an off season sale.

I am a positive person, and I like it. I like feeling good. I like making other people feel good, but it takes work to maintain that Positive State of Mind.

This morning my mom and I just went off the rails and had a lovely gossip session while we drank two pots of coffee. After our analysis, I had to point out to her, "Well, after all that, you should stop telling me to get a boyfriend, which sounds more like a prison sentence."
She agreed. Another weird occurrence, I had no idea the Super Bowl was upon us. I wont celebrate my favorite eating holiday this year, and the prize dish, buffalo chicken dip. It's really the missing dip that warrants the sad face emoji here.

Being at my my parents is usually my time to catch up on cable TV, but I recently bought a chrome cast, and using their cable network and password, I can now access all their awesome cable capabilities from my apartment. Night one with my new gadget, I watched 6 hours of Real Housewives Beverly Hills while eating a grocery bag of Indian takeout. I like how the "housewives" are all fancy looking, it gives me some fashion inspiration. I don't like to gussy up for class because I don't want my students to think I'm unapproachable, but I have learned that I don't need to drag it up as some absent minded math nerd, I just need to have bad breath.
Really, my bad breath is inevitable after running around town, living off granola bars. I figure, my breath gives the students something to feel superior. They can band together on this, and have a good laugh, and I can wear my cute clothes without feeling like I'm too braggadocios.

LOVE for my Soul Sister

Fun Bags

My sister rummaged through my closet and pulled out a t-shirt I made for a very unsuccessful run at a craft fair. She held the shirt out at arms length, and squinted as she read, then said, "I don't want to wear a shirt that says 'free hugs.'"
I told her, "Neither do I, and it doesn't say 'free hugs' it says 'fun bags.'"
She didn't want to wear a shirt that says that either.

I texted with my friend who said she's taking her kids to the dentist after going on a long hiatus, and then I got anxious because I haven't taken my kids to the dentist in over a year and a half. The last time I went, the dentist really pissed me off because she had a pleased look on her face as she told me my daughter could use some preventative care to fix her tooth gap. My kid was 4 years old. I wanted to swat the dollar signs out of her eyes with my handbag, and if it hit her in the face, well so be it.

I have an issue with pediatric dentists. After this incident, I thought pediatric dentistry could really use a good examination by 60 Minutes Investigation. These establishments are popping up as profitable franchises in strip malls, where for a couple thousand dollars a year, someone can stab around in your kids mouth for little long term effect.

The pediatric dentist I took my kids to, gave me shit when I told her the kids are not to be x-rayed. I read the article in the New York Times, "Whats the harm of a little radiation," and it made me even more closed off on the idea because I figured, my kid could break their arm after getting their head x-rayed, then need to get that limb x-rayed, and now they've had too much radiation exposure. I figure it would be better to save up for a time where radiation is imperative.

I don't have the confidence to tell people I think pediatric dentistry is a fucking scam. Preschoolers under anesthesia to fill cavities, on teeth that will fall out! Anesthesia is freaking hardcore! That shit should be used in extreme cases, like maybe if those rotting teeth are about to rot the brain. I don't understand why, they don't just pull the teeth out. I get worried, I will come off as some type of flat-earther when I talk about this shit, guided by kooky intuition, and paranoid a professional is trying to profit by putting my child through unnecessary pain and danger. Maybe if I knew all the science behind it, I'd feel better at picketing the industry.

My kids dad called up one day, in great concern that our children wouldn't be exposed to evolution because they go to Catholic school. I reassured him that our kids are most definitely going to be taught evolution. Then I remarked how lucky they are to be presented these theories on a foundation of faith, where most schools need to dispel this information as fact through the lens of atheism. I believe in God, undoubtedly, and want my children to feel there is a purpose to their existence. For science and math to be taught in a philosophical way, it promotes free thinking and advancement. Think of evolution and intention, simultaneously. Major scientific ideas that are cradled to people as truth, are in fact "theories." Lets allow these ideas to be malleable.

My kids and I discuss dinosaurs, and sometimes I present them with this idea, "What if dinosaurs still exist? They live at the bottom of the oceans, and within massive air bubbles deep under the surface of the earth. Lets say these air bubbles and the bottom of the ocean meet up, and it's an entire ecosystem deep within the planet accommodating massive reptilian like creatures. And sometimes after a dinosaur dies, its remains become part of the ground, and eventually works its way up through all the layers of the earth and emerges as a fossil on the surface of our planet..."

I plan to make us dental appointments because its time, but I am not going into any dental office that offers entertainment beyond a small fish tank and a couple outdated Highlights magazines. A room full of video game consoles, and a Keurig drink station, is a sure sign the dentist has whack priorities. The dentist will give me the usual lecture on flossing, and I really will be determined to be better about it. It's always on my new years resolution list, and from Jan 1 - Jan 3, my teeth get their annual floss regimen.

My cousin and I were speaking about our New Years resolutions, and she mentioned wanting to go to bed every night at the same time, and waking up every morning at the same time. I too, have read of these benefits, but when I don't have my kids, I see no point in getting out of bed at 5:30 am, and if I want to watch Netflix till midnight, I just go with it.

I am not an early to bed, early to rise kind of person, and I never have been. It goes against my biology. My grandma used to call me a slug because of how I move about in the morning. I like to sleep till noon. It feels great, and brings on a fantastic show of weird dreams, like this morning, when I dreamed I was on an airplane that emergency landed in such a beautiful place. I was ecstatic as I ran about, looking at dripping icicles, huge flowers, and even mermaids!

My little sister is a natural early riser. I remember when we were kids her favorite show was called Eureka's Castle. I only saw one episode because it was on at like 6 o'clock in the morning. I can picture her, needling around the house at 5 years old, getting herself a little morning snack, and then sitting down to watch her show, as everyone else was asleep. The episode I saw was about a dragon giving the hiccups to someone, in trade for a basketball. I am not sure why that stuck with me, all this time, but after I saw that, I had a really fun time thinking it over.