Monday, July 17, 2017

Plucking Petals


I met someone, and he is fucking great. Maybe I manifested him by listening to Division four hundred times in the last couple weeks. I'm working on keeping my cool because I'm entering a losers game, and second, what if I'm being swayed by the wrong thing. Like the old saying goes, "Don't fall in love with the first good dick you sit on."
Although, I'm not sure why. It seems like the perfect person to fall in love with.

Division is a great album, and I think it's titled on the splitting of our lives. The most common occurs after people have kids, they have their life before kids, and their life after. But it happens in other ways, like in death. You have your life with a person, and then there is the divided life without that person. Or after falling in love with someone or falling out of love with someone. Significant experiences that create a spectrum, time with divided by time without.

The last month I've been packing up my house, and finding us a new place to live. Were moving downtown, and so I happily get to donate half our stuff. I was feeling stressed from the transition. So much is changing, but were not there yet. I know though, that my life a couple months from now will be majorly different from my life one year ago. Call it a new chapter, fresh start, or a shift in the continuity because once I'm there, I'll fall into the new rhythm.

I'm happy to be moving, but it's sad to leave my gym because of Friday yoga. The instructor is my life coach, and I cherish the hour I get to spend with her once a week. Last week, she led us in breathing, letting go of aggression, then she ended class by clarifying, over ambitiousness causes aggression in our lives, and that we must live in the present, and trust in our path.

The other night, I was talking with my new man, and things got serious with the mention of nervousness and anxiety from growing feelings for someone after a couple of weeks, and then my yoga teacher's words came to me. You can't worry about that kind of shit. If you live for tomorrow, you'll miss out on today. Live in the moment, there is no guarantee there will be a tomorrow or next month, so don't let then affect your happiness now. People come into our lives for a reason, and it's not clear why for a long time, so let it play out.

Since I have to keep my house impeccable and I have two messy kids, we are spending as little time as possible in our house. Every weekend we head up to Tahoe to stay with my parents. It's amazing to be here, and not only because the temperatures are much more inviting than Sacramento, but because the energy is infectious. People here are cheerful and friendly. Going on a walk or run, most people who pass are happy to wave hello.

I think it's from living close to nature. Listening to the aspen leaves shake in the wind, watching the sun set behind mountains, the smell of campfire, and walking barefoot in the forest has a positive impact on people. Being in a place where you see a bear every once in a while, and being astounded, we are amongst bears! Its amazing.

Lately, I've been running into people from high school. Before this made me anxious, but now I really enjoy it. It's nice to see were so similar to who we were fifteen years ago. I've met up with a lot of old friends this summer. Last week I hung out with my cousin. I showed him a picture of the guy Im seeing with his 12 year old son. My cousin asked, "Is he the one with the brown hair?" Shocked, I replied, "Yes, Tom! For fucks sake. I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau!" It's nice to see my friends, from then and now. Old friends, I won't say from a different life, these are friends for my entire life, they fall outside the division.

So for the next month, as we move into our new place, settle into a new school and job, there is no where else but the present I want to be, swimming in the lake, seeing my family and friends, hiking the mountains, and picking a flower to pluck its petals.

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