Braggadocios

Were all born naked, the rest is drag, -RuPaul Charles

Winter seems to be wrapping up around here in Northern California. I'm so quick to jump the gun, the kids and I went to Target and bought bathing suits to prepare for summer. Even though this winter is mild compared to last year, it seemed we had a lot more consecutive days of grey. I was combatting the blues before we had our unexpected burst of great weather. It could be the grey, the unknown, really a combination of variables, like mid-January unexpectedly finding out Bertha accompanied my kids on a New Years trip to Southern California. Whose Bertha? Oh, it's a fictitious name for the woman my kids hang out with every other weekend. I think it's a great name that really reflects her big hearted, stern and charming personality. When I get the chance to meet Bertha, I'll change the name if necessary.

There is a surprise around every corner these days, but some are pretty cool. Like I got hired to teach at Sac State in a whirlwind, and so this term I'm working at two campuses. Teaching offers quite a bit of flexibility, but I keep telling people, I want to reign in a full time thing by fall because driving all around and not having the stability 4 months out, is really for a different cut of person than myself.

I'm still applying for office jobs, and thought I was getting one after the HR screening lady and me had such a great chat. I thought I did well on the critical thinking test she sent me. I told my friend Deborah at work, "I think I failed the personality test!"
I kept answering this one question over and over again, cementing my inclination to not tell people when I do something great. I figure it's good to be humble, but in retrospect, they want braggadocios. Even the word "braggadocios" is braggadocios, and makes me feel stupid.
Deborah and I spend hours on Tuesdays talking about everything. She's a brilliant PhD from Berkley, whose maybe 75, and she comforted me by saying, "You know, most of the time those jobs go to people's friends, so don't worry too much about the personality test."
She's right. Plus, fuck a personality test.

A new years resolution was to implement a morning routine that will keep me focused for the day. I wake up early and do a bit of journaling and then meditative exercises. It works well if I go to bed at 8pm. During meditative time, I usually picture myself on the beach, watching the waves and soaking up sun. For some reason, after the first week of school, I started visualizing myself laying on a gigantic rose petal, lounging into the flower. It was so soft and comfortable.

Two weeks ago Oprah and RuPaul had a great Super Soul Conversation. It was so good I've already listened to it four times. During one part they talk about being confronted with people who are aggressive, rude or just an overall shit thorn in the side, both of them said, "It isn't even about you!" I kind of already had this notion brewing in my head, but when someone comes into class the first week and every things a big problem, and they can't get over this hurdle of everything being a gigantic problem, and it makes them rude and aggressive, I become a bit disheartened, and in a grand attempt to not have a negative attitude poison the well, I give cliche speeches on being successful and having respect for everyone in the class.

RuPaul talks about how he gives pep talks to the contestants, and really he's telling this stuff to himself. I feel like these watered down Tony Robbins talks I have with the kids at school is really the same. I am telling myself this shit just as much as them.

My kids and I came up to Tahoe for fresh air. I had a realization while running; the last month of grey and rain is coming to an end. Spring is coming. I am going to get a job, find a house. For some reason I was listening to music from a decade ago. It was like I was back in my Dodge Neon sitting in traffic on the 405 listening to 103.1, think Lazy Eye and Neon Bible.

Ten years ago, my cousin and I lived close to Venice Beach. Even though the traffic in LA is absolutely insane, you never have to worry about combating the SADs. My cousin is now living in the Pacific Northwest and had to invest in some giant light screen to keep her spirits high. I'm thinking I might get one of those too, for next winter, get it in an off season sale.

I am a positive person, and I like it. I like feeling good. I like making other people feel good, but it takes work to maintain that Positive State of Mind.

This morning my mom and I just went off the rails and had a lovely gossip session while we drank two pots of coffee. After our analysis, I had to point out to her, "Well, after all that, you should stop telling me to get a boyfriend, which sounds more like a prison sentence."
She agreed. Another weird occurrence, I had no idea the Super Bowl was upon us. I wont celebrate my favorite eating holiday this year, and the prize dish, buffalo chicken dip. It's really the missing dip that warrants the sad face emoji here.

Being at my my parents is usually my time to catch up on cable TV, but I recently bought a chrome cast, and using their cable network and password, I can now access all their awesome cable capabilities from my apartment. Night one with my new gadget, I watched 6 hours of Real Housewives Beverly Hills while eating a grocery bag of Indian takeout. I like how the "housewives" are all fancy looking, it gives me some fashion inspiration. I don't like to gussy up for class because I don't want my students to think I'm unapproachable, but I have learned that I don't need to drag it up as some absent minded math nerd, I just need to have bad breath.
Really, my bad breath is inevitable after running around town, living off granola bars. I figure, my breath gives the students something to feel superior. They can band together on this, and have a good laugh, and I can wear my cute clothes without feeling like I'm too braggadocios.

LOVE for my Soul Sister