Yesterday I went to the doctor and she asked me for a flu
shot. I was a person who only got
sick from hangovers and I can’t even recall having the flu as an adult before I
had children. These rats put their mouths on everything, and if it’s not their
mouth it’s their hands, which then go into their mouth. Since they are germ
anteaters roaming around the city they pick up nasty bugs and innocently infect
me by acting super sweet and kissing me all over my face. I can’t deny their
smooches even if there is a dribble of snot going down to their chin, so I said
yes to the flu shot.
I think the nurse stabbed the needle into my arm like John
Travolta injecting Uma in Pulp Fiction because it’s 24 hours later and my
shoulder still hurts. I don’t know which is worse, the flu or this fucking flu
shot. (It is impossible for me to fully remember the horror of having to run to
the toilet and throw up, so I can easily liken the flu to the teensy pain of a
shot because I am a dramatic pussy, aka DramPuss. That is some self-realization)
I put on my blazer with huge shoulder pads to alleviate the
discomfort because shoulder pads are like being embraced by a busty old
grandma. It feels so so good! This jacket is from H&M, but it shouts, “I’m
a super 90’s business woman, so don’t mess with me or I’ll bust out my white
sneakers and power walk all over you!” I paired the jacket with a short floral baby-doll
dress. The bold dress pattern draws the eye into the body, so I’m not lost in
this big jacket.
As I walk around with my blazer hugging me like a koala
bear thru my pain, I can put my worries about the flu behind me. Now I have time
to think of how I can combat the imminent cold my family will catch after the
baby chews on a pen he finds waiting at the grocery store check out.
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