#FreeTheNipple Cost Savings

I ordered the Christmas presents for the kids today from Amazon. Online shopping really takes the stress out of “Christmas Stress.” I am going to hide the toys in my closet for a month and start wrapping them the day before Christmas just to put the stress back in “Christmas Stress.” Of course, I had to look at some things for myself as I picked out Play Dough, Magic Dolls, and other things kids are wildly impressed with for 15 minutes before they decide to fight over a whisk they found in the kitchen.

A couple months ago I found a really cute bathing suit on Etsy, and followed the link to an independent retailer’s site where the suit was listed for $90. Its online, so I assumed the retailer must be high end because the suit looked pretty no frills, thick straps, no bra cups and simple print, a cosmic scene with purples and silver. I pinned it, and moved on. Since I am off to Mexico in a month, I thought I’d look at bathing suits, and I remembered the cosmic suit from Pinterest, so I type a description in the amazon search engine, and wham, there it is. The exact same bathing suit for $18 with free shipping!!! I almost fell out of my chair. The fucking audacity that a retailer is likely buying the suits from this Amazon source, and then turning around and selling them for $70 more. All they probably do is take the suit out of its plastic wrap, cut off the made in China sticker, and let the factory smell air out with a couple spritzes of Febreze.

Merry Christmas to me; I am getting my bathing suit at the straight off the loading dock bargain rate. It might be a bit fusty getting a one piece, but the shrinkage on my stomach has not fully recovered from the gaining and loosing of 85 pounds during each pregnancy. My kids were each 9 pound babies, and they can thank me because this is an actual factor in determining intelligence (well, until they’re 30, so relax parents of tiny babies, your kid will catch up after they have settled into a life based on their menial intelligence). My tummy looks a bit like a wrinkled balloon that has been blown up and deflated but it is all for a greater good! Hopefully in a couple years I can manage dealing with a two piece again, but who wants to fuss with that at a Mexico all inclusive resort. You start your day at a fucking breakfast buffet and then drink Corona all day long. A bikini would only take away from the level of nirvana I am trying to attain.

Here is a ink to the bathing suit on Amazon. I am not sure why they didn’t Photoshop the nipslip, but I guess those costs would only make the suit more expensive. Good on them for passing the savings onto the customers. #freethenipple