Unfriendship Bracelet

Holy fuck, we all got colds. I couldn’t have timed it any better and it was likely a direct result from the ending to my Shoulder Pad Hug post. Every time I kiss my kids’ little noses I get snot on my lips. I am eating snot on top of it all.

Since were all sick, physically and mentally for myself, we have been inside for days, afraid we could become worse by going out where its chilly.  All this down time has got me crafting like a mother fucker. I joined Pinterest only a couple months ago, and now I am a freaking addict. I am a master of fringe t-shirts with sequin embellishments, and have been making them for all my relative friends (my only friends)

I thought I would make them all cool friendship bracelets because it seems simple enough. I have attempted to make them a number of times. The first attempt was a fucking disaster, and it is only slightly improving after probably 6 hours of trying. How can something be so difficult for me when 12 year olds can do while watching Jersey Shore, reading 50 Shades, texting and sexting, while blind folded! I thought I was good at multitasking. No! These fucking bracelets require complete attention. With laser focus I tie these knots, thousands of them, and fuck up once the entire thing is shot.

After 6 hours of trying, I am not making these for Christmas gifts because I am getting frustrated. They sell these damn bracelets for like a fucking dollar at forever 21, so I am putting all this blood, sweat and tears in for something that is amounting to not even half as good as a dollar bracelet! I can imagine handing them these janky ass bracelets, with the card saying something like, “these bracelets remind me of our friendship, fucked up. Merry Christmas.” My sister will look at this bracelet, and tell me that I am a cheap asshole, and I need to pluck my eyebrows more often.

I hope that we are feeling better tomorrow because I will likely attempt at these bracelets again, and there is so much more I could be doing with my time, like cleaning my shower that has a mold spot growing. I am going to spray bleach on it before bed tonight because right as I typed that I felt mold spores coming through my nasal passage and multiplying in my brain.