Keeping the Kid from Jonesing While Keeping up With The Joneses

Contemplating Valentine's Day consumerism

Today I went to the dollar store. I have to get Valentine’s Day cards for my daughter to bring to school for a party on Friday. She doesn’t even go to school on Friday, but seeing as how the last couple holidays I’d pick her up from school and leave with a garbage bag full of little cute gifts from all her classmates, I think we ought to contribute to this cycle of wastefulness so as to not make enemies or be frowned upon as lazy thoughtless people.

There are 30 kids in my daughter's class, and therein lies the problem because I am kind of cheap. I am not cheap when it comes to many things, but I am cheap when it comes to buying laundry detergent, underwear and crappy toys for kids that will break and end up in the garbage.

For Halloween, my daughter received a goody bag from a classmate that was exploding with treats and little toys similar to what they’d get after visiting the dentist. She really enjoyed it, but after she saw Skittles everything else went in the trash. After her introduction to Skittles, her tunnel vision for the rainbow colored candy grew narrower and narrower. I was forced to throw all the Skittles in the garbage after a couple days because it came to a point where I imagined her staring up at the candy bowl on the fridge, scratching behind her ear and saying, “I’m jonesing for some Skittles, Mama. Be a dear and grab this cat a bag of that rainbow flavored deliciousness.”

The mom who put these goody bags together probably spent two hundred dollars on this stuff. I was certainly impressed, but equally irritated because of the expectation of reciprocation and her setting the bar so high. I like the idea of giving out little paper cards with the occasional lollypop attached. Most of the students in my daughter’s class are pretty spoiled, and will already be getting a chocolate gift from their parents. A bag of additional candy from classmates is unnecessary, mainly because it will be thrown in the trash since a four year old can’t eat that much candy.

The school irritates me further, by asking parents to bring in crafting materials so the kids can decorate shoeboxes to uses as Valentine’s Day cardholders. After reading the email with that request, I felt like throwing my laptop through the window. I pay a lot of money for my kid to go to school here, and they are asking me to drive to Wal-Mart and buy shit they have in their supply cabinet. It seems like a power play. They want to find out who is most willing to waste their time as a show of devotion to the people who are taking care of their kids.

When I dropped my daughter off at school yesterday, a mom came in with four Target bags full of shit to use during the Valentines party. I am not going to be peer pressured into buying gobs of crap that will amount to donut. I did note that she went to Target, and not the Dollar Store, giving me the sense to swap the Dollar Store bag for a Whole Foods bag. I got to keep up with the Joneses a little bit, but at the same time, keep my kid from Jonesing.

A Hug: a free and genuine gesture for Valentine's Day