Cleansing for Clarity, Ummm

What kills bugs makes you stronger. I see you little bug.

I have not eaten in two days! I am on a cleanse, and drinking a lemon cayenne pepper concoction. I am surprised I made it two days, and tonight when I took the kids to Whole Foods to pick out a cupcake for dessert, I stood strong while I drooled over a cannoli. I have everything planned out I am going to eat tomorrow. I will start with avocado toast for breakfast, then make a turkey and cheese panini for lunch, and have spaghetti with marinara sauce and Italian sausage for dinner.

At the start of the week, I didn’t know I was going on this cleanse, and I bought a fridge full of food and filled a giant bowl with tangerines, blood oranges and bananas. I thought the kids would love blood oranges because their reddish purple insides are a fun surprise. When I asked Kiki, “Do you want a blood orange or a tangerine?” She said, “I want a blood tangerine.” And then she refused to eat any of the fruit.

George can’t pick up any slack because after he takes one bite of food he stands on top of his high chair ready to swan dive off, so I need to put him on the floor. Then he runs off like a rocket, maybe coming back to eat 2 or 3 more bites of food. That’s all he eats.

Oh to be 2 years old, and weigh only 30 pounds. His stomach is probably the size of a walnut. Mine has grown to the size of a basketball, and a cleanse is the only way to get it to shrink down to a soccer ball. I tell people I am cleansing to feel better and clear my skin, but really its all about downsizing my sports ball tummy.

When I was pregnant I gained a million pounds and all my conditioning from hanging out with the mean girls in high school went out the window. I didn’t eat a piece of cheese in my entire twenties. The day I got pregnant I ate ice cream every night. By ramping up my dairy intake I reversed my lactose intolerance, a silver lining to the sad fact that all my pregnancy eating habits rolled over to post pregnancy eating habits.

With the fruit on the verge of perishing, I will have to eat the majority of it tomorrow as well.  My sister told me she once binge ate 6 bananas and 8 oranges while on a crazy health kick. The thought of eating 6 bananas made me almost throw up, but after laughing my ass off, I congratulated her on sticking to fruit rather than Hagen daz. 

I hoped not eating for 2 days would give me some mental clarity, but it just made time and my brain feel slower. I felt dumb as dirt when trying to write a post. I gave myself a headache trying to think hard. I was scared I starved the humor out of me. Maybe the fruit bowl will bring it back. If not, I’m willing to eat up to volleyball size to get it back.