Let's See It

"So you got something you want to show me"

Today at the gym, the man with the staring problem was being especially annoying. I chose a treadmill in the empty row that gave me a good view of all the hanging flat screen TVs. Minutes later a woman came to the treadmill next to mine, where she walked at a snails pace. Her hair was wet, like she just showered, and combed it, and she was wearing jean cargo pants, with her keys dangling from her belt loop by a carabiner.

Right when I came into the gym, his eyes locked on mine like a fucking heat sinker. I nodded to him as I pulled my equivalent of the hotel do not disturb sign out of my purse, my headphones, and stuffed them in my ears.

As the woman next to me and I occupied the treadmill section he was at an arm machine facing us, continuing to stare, in a very rude manner.

My daughter stares at people in the changing room, and we've had talks about giving people privacy. She is very interested in naked people. An old Japanese woman swims every day, and after the kids do their pool time, we see this woman frequently in the locker room. Kiki is fixated on her. I tell Kiki, "Privacy please! Don't look at people as they are changing."

The woman always acts like she doesn't notice, which is difficult since a couple times I've looked over at Kiki after getting George dressed, and she has her hand over her eyes but opened her fingers in a v shape, so one eyeball is exposed, looking at the changing woman.

The last time we saw her, the woman dressed, and hobbled by on her cane. She stopped in front of Kiki, looked at her and said, "You are very interested in me, aren't you?"
Kiki looked down at the ground, and didn't say anything.

It didn't take the man long to make his way over to the treadmills, and of the empty row, he chose the one next to me. When the woman next to me finished her stroll. I tried sending her an ESP message,  "Please don't leave me next to him." because I had a feeling he was going to try and talk to me.
She didn't pick up on my mind message, and left.
My headphones remained in my ears as I wiped the machine down, and picked my purse up off the floor. As I turned, I heard him say something. I couldn't tell you what, maybe something about my distance, or perhaps about how I cleaned the machine, but I just chuckled and shouted "bye," to emphasize that I am listening to loud music, unaware of the world around me. I walked away, mildly ashamed. I didn't want to give him free laughs.

Last night, as I read to my kids the word chuckle came up, and I explained to them that this means to be amused, most of the time when laughing at your own joke. They thought that was funny.

By laughing with him, I contributed to his problem. I need to ovary-up, like the Japanese woman, and ask him, "What the fuck are you looking at?" It's not like I'm in fine form when I'm at the gym. I usually look like ass.

There's one woman there who I call Hot Mom because, just as you'd expect, she is super hot. Aside from her body, giant butt and tits, she has the necessary confidence. She usually power walks on the treadmill at a 45 degree angle, and then does squats in the middle of the gym, at this point I chuckle to myself because I think of Ned Flanders.

I wonder if creepy staring problem man would have the balls to go sniff around Hot Mom's crotch. Based on her disposition, I'm pretty sure she'd whoop his ass, so maybe he knows his audience. I look passive enough to dish out free laughs at his bizarrely inappropriate way to engage in conversation.

I can imagine the retaliation though, for me calling him on his shit. He'd say something, like don't flatter yourself sweetie, then spew an onslaught of insults at me. In order to protect myself from that type of self-esteem damage, I'll keep up my MO of completely oblivious with my music too loud to ever hear what he's saying.

I can already see how a conversation with him would play out. He'd blow out a bunch of gratuitous compliments, so I'd feel rude telling him to fuck off. His intentions are confusing though. His staring at me is forcing me to look at him. This entire charade is a way for him to make me acknowledge him, most likely as Man. The quickest way to squash this would be to appease by saying, "Ok, just show it to me. Pull it out so we can get this song and dance over with."

Then he'll pull it out, and hold it in his hands. And I'll say, "Well, that is exactly what I was expecting. You are such a Man." Then he'll be so pleased with himself he'll chuckle, and I'll get back to not being disturbed.