Christmas Shopping

This morning I went shopping with my mom, sister, and the two kids. Going shopping with an 18 month old is about as enjoyable as going to the dentist, which I have been putting off for three years. My kids and I went to Starbucks as my mom and sister went to pay for their merchandise. My mom and sister went at the sales lady like two piranha fish, and I knew to leave the register and go to the food court to get the kids cake pops and have an iced tea. The frustration from watching them talk to a cashier is enough to give me a heart attack, so I have to leave. 

With a line of five people behind them they begin explaining simultaneously to this poor woman, who never stood a chance of understanding, that they wanted to pay part of the total with a gift card and the rest on a credit card to get an additional 20% off, and use a $25 off coupon. All the while they maintained a sideline conversation amongst each other where my mom told my sister she pays for it all, and then she will give her cash later.

Watch Frozen for the 40th time, or go shopping?

When my mom and sister walk up to me having my tea and watching the kids run in circles they were beaming from the rush of achieving a killer shopping deal. They confused the sales lady so much that she ended up overriding the price of a $250 jacket, and she sold it to them for $47. My mom and sister were giving each other a jumping high five as they walked out of the store.

After the mall we went to Del Taco to feed the kids some lunch. I ordered baby George a quesadilla, I had nachos, and my daughter ate a chicken taco. My mom and sister both ordered $1 menu burritos, and then after looking at the receipt lectured me on ordering too expensive of food (my food with the kids totaled $5). My mom was explaining to us how great the new Property Brothers show is on HGTV and an older couple came up to the table and complimented us on how cute the kids are. My mom thought they came up agreeing with her, that they found the Property Brothers to be cute also. They went cross eyed in confusion as my mom replied to their compliment with a 3 minute analysis on the latest episode of the renovation show. Then my sister and I started laughing and had to tell my mom, “They are talking about the kids, not the Property Brothers!” As they walked away, my sister looked at my mom, and said, “Why would you think they were talking about the Property Brothers? How would they have known we were talking about that unless they were sitting in on our conversation?” I told my mom to ramp up the Omega 3’s and my mom said, “What do Omega 3’s have to do with hearing?” Then my sister looked at my mom, and said, “Mom, I don’t think that had anything to do with hearing.”

After we finished eating my sister insisted we go to Old Navy so she can look at flannel shirts. I figured we would be able to go to the store and get the kids home to nap at a decent time. As we pull out of the Del Taco parking lot there are cars lined up behind me waiting for the drive thru and I needed to focus in order to maneuver out of the lot. My mom and sister were loudly harassing me for having a dirty car, and giving me the unnecessary advice to not back into a car. I lost my cool and shouted for them to chill the fuck out so I can back the car out. Before they both started in on me, “Uh oh, Alicia is grouchy,” or “Jeez, Alicia, were only trying to help,” or a favorite of theirs, “Alicia, you’re still hungry that’s why you’re grouchy. You didn’t eat enough,” I had to apologize for being rude.

I drove over the curb and we made it out of the parking lot without having to wait for the drive thru to clear out, and we were off to Old Navy. When we entered the store, as if my sister knew the store by memory, she looked to the left and throwing her arms up she shouted, “They are sold out! I knew it!” I was relieved, “OK, well let’s go home then.” But my mom was already off. She was deep into the store, lost in a shopping daze, and I knew this short in-and-out shopping trip was going to take much longer than they led me to believe.

George really like shopping, deep deep down

I found two shirts on the clearance rack that were 97 cents each and then headed to the register. I bought them as my kids were falling apart from exhaustion. My daughter started crying because I told her I wouldn’t buy her a princess wand displayed along the check out line. We were in line for 30 minutes, and I knew all the glitter and glowing plastic shit lining the wall were going to make her go goggle eyed and cry. Of course my sister said she would buy it for her. I could see all the tough no-nonsense-live-off-the-land Nevadans shaking their head in disbelief at how my kid was spoiled to the core while my son was rolling around on the ground when they knew just as much as me that he needed to be at home napping in his crib.

Instead of acting like a bitch and complaining that we should have never gone to Old Navy, I projected my frustration on the long check out line. “That line was ridiculous. They should get more cashiers. I just waited 30 minutes to buy two dollars worth of clothes.” My mom looks at me as she is buckling in my daughter and says, “Mom and pop shops are having a really hard time these days.”

I yelled, “Mom! Old Navy is not mom and pop!” They can teach me how to be a bargain hunter, eat off the dollar menu, and how to be a better driver, but I have to take my opportunity to teach her on the difference between Mom and Pop shops and a chain of stores owned by one of the largest retailers in the US. Finally, I am able to give her a useful bit of information.

Here we are, relaxing after a tiring day of shopping that was much more fun than watching Frozen, again.