A Wild Scent

I surprised my daughter with the news she gets to attend a small morning camp next week. She is thrilled. Her vacant eyes indicated she'd withdrawn in the anticipation of seeing friends after 2 months of family. She grabbed her backpack and started gathering things around the house to accompany her on this long awaited girl-club time.

She picked up a tiny perfume from a kid cosmetic set, and asked, "Do you think I should wear perfume?"

Her excitement was intoxicating, so I said, "Yeah, why not!"

Then she said, "I'll wear a scent that drives the counselors wild."

My boyfriend sent me a text that an open mic is resuming next week, and then I felt the whirling stomach my daughter was just describing. I sort of enjoy the tiny bubble I'm existing in at the moment, and the idea of returning to normalcy gives me the sensation every speck harboring in my intestines is about to immediately evacuate from my body.

I remember a nonessential errand we ran before the shelter-in-place. We went to the carwash in Midtown. In the lobby, my boyfriend read his phone, and I watched some sporting event on the communal TV. When I say watched, I mean it was a nice scene to lock my eyes on, as I withdrew. The place was pretty crowded, and everyone was engaged in some variation of individual entertainment. When a woman stood up and walked through the lobby, we were all brought into the present moment. She plunked a couple coins in the automated massage chair, which was positioned in a theatrical way, where everyone had a vantage point. This woman laid back in that massage chair, closed her eyes, and had an orgasmic experience in front of a live car wash audience. Everyone then alternated between thumbing their phone and watching this woman's invisible lady boner grow to unbreakable strength. Her husband quickly tuned in to the display, and dealt with it like any partner would, he walked outside and decided to go without complimentary coffee and the pungent smell of mingling air fresheners, that might actually drive people wild.

There's so much to look forward to, that goes beyond eating and drinking on a restaurant patio. I woke up with a cold sore yesterday, which means I actually bookended this shelter-in-place with my overactive anxiety's physical response to change. Pick a side, Alicia. Do you want to be a cozy homebody or be a smiling scenester?

I don't know, I guess I want to be both. I do know that the carwash lady is living the right way; live like everybody's watching, and you don't give a fuck. It's more powerful than perfume.