 |
| Dreamscaping |
I played I Started A Joke during a dance party with my kids, and George loved it, because it is one of those songs that leads me to dip him and swing him around like a monkey, but Kiki was perturbed. "It's a sad song," she complained, "Turn it off!"
"Sad songs are the best songs!" I said, quickly amending, "In moderation." I know from experience, the after math of listening to too much Elliot Smith, that a debilitating depression can settle in one's mind after wallowing in someone else's misery.
HBO isn't on board with the new major players of media content, Amazon and Netflix, and they still piecemeal the episodes, one a week. So I'm left empty handed for the rest of the week. Usually it doesn't matter because my library books and magazines are stacked two feet high on my bedside table, so I'm committed for every evening till the end of time. But I can't read when I'm on the treadmill. The spiders's webs hanging from the rafters in my dark, humid and over crowded garage, loose their appeal after a couple minutes, and I started watching Sex In The City while I run.
I haven't re-watched these episodes in quite some time, so I'm having a revelation on how anti-feminist this show is. It's like reading Bridget Jones as a thirty year old as opposed to a twenty year old. I didn't realize then that BJ was calling, oh about 80% of females fat fucks, and I didn't realize then that SITC relies too heavily on the perpetuated fear that women lacking a man are lacking in themselves. Miranda is the only one of them with a clear sense of self, and whats so hilarious, is she has a butch haircut and always wears unflattering business suits. Miranda is in butch drag since she fails to suffer the same levels of desperation as her cohorts.
The other night I had a dream that two of my aunts were making fun of me, so I stuffed cheese down their throats and smeared it over their bodies in retaliation. I'm not sure what this means, but my best guess is that I am concerned about people's negative perception of me, although I could never confirm if a negative perspective actually exists. It would always only exists within my own perception of their perspectives. Thats a doozy. But there has been this nagging issue in my life where I get very upset when being judged by others.
I'm reading Miracles Happen: The Transformational Healing of Past Life Memories by Bob Weiss. It is a compilation of stories people tell about their past life memories. Some of the stories are much better than others. My favorite is from a woman whose husband died. She dreamt about being with her husband around the turn of the last century, they longed for each other, but didn't end up together because he became a monk and her a nun, so they both lived sad and lonely lives. In her current life, they lived happily together. After having her regression, she writes it off as a figment of her imagination. She meets up with a friend who says, "I have something to tell you, and it's going to sound very strange. I had a dream where your husband came to me, and he said, 'Tell my wife she lived 900 years ago, and that I am a dolphin.'"
The friend told her this convinced it was gibberish, but the woman was taken aback because it was not gibberish at all. It turned out her husband was a fighter pilot and early in their marriage he went on a mission, and told her before he left, "In case I get captured, I want you to know that any message you receive will be from me so long as it contains the message, 'I am a dolphin.'"
Chills, right?! I think this story is the Pièce De Résistance of all the stories in the book.
There is not a cataclysmic turn of events after one diagnoses their present fears based on past life experiences, time doesn't cease and their lives become a melting pot of all experiences. What does occur, is the healing of mental trauma, phobias and or chronic pain. So nothing quite as exceptional as one would hope.
I think my concerns with reincarnation and the past life theories is just the size of our population at present time compared to a thousand years ago. Does this mean that many people existing now are soul-less, or could it mean there is soul duplicity; where a soul exists within many beings simultaneously, and filters these lives from each other. Or maybe more souls are being created. Or maybe souls are split. I could think of twenty things here, but will spare the listing.
Last night before I went to bed I decided I'd ask for guidance since I'm reading about dreamscaping also, so I posed a question right before I fell asleep.
I woke up twice in the night and felt very warm on my shoulder, like someones hand was there. I had three dreams. In one, someone I know had a baby, in another, someone I know dies, and in the third, I was getting naked to take a shower in a crowded RV, I was trying to shut curtains around the shower to get privacy.
There was definitely no solid answer to my question, and I felt terribly unsettled after dreaming about a person I know dying. I conducted some Google research, and the death could indicate pregnancy, which is funny since I followed the death dream up by dreaming about a new baby.
And the RV, and trying to hide behind the curtains for privacy, that must be more concern about shielding myself, and not wanting to be judged, more like not wanting to feel like I am being judged.
The last three weeks I've felt over scheduled. I read that this full moon is difficult for everyone, and I'm no exception. I wake up and have the sense that every minute of my day is accounted for, and it gives me that infinite feeling in my chest. Like Im weighted down. I just go with the flow, but its been daunting. After soccer ends this week, and my poorly thought out Saturday class ends in December, I'll be back to living my life without a rigid time schedule where a 15 minute daydream disrupts my entire day.
The reason Im having to run in the garage is not just the rain, but because the ten minute drive to the gym would make me late to pick up the kids. My schedule feels like a string of standing up dominos, where I have to delicately maneuver through the day or I'll knock the entire thing off track. I don't like to spend my day feeling so robotic and pressured by a time schedule, but this feeling came at a perfect time, as Im reading this book, because just last night there was a section on staying aware of the greater purpose and meaning, and not being distracted by the sometimes overwhelming day-to-day grind.
Basically, it's the old adage, Don't sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff, and appreciate the things that make me feel good; like double dosing on SJP, which sends unhealthy messages about smoking in moderation, and thinking about how I'm different now from ten years ago, and how I'm different now from the Alicia in my dreams, and how Im different now than the Alicia who lived before me or after me (either of which I have yet to come across). So right now, when my schedule is demanding, I'm happy, and yes, it has a lot to do with Alicia two months from now. December Alicia looks like she's managing things just fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment