My Quarantine Baby

First day of quarantine was pretty typical. I watched two movies, four episodes of the docuseries McMillion$, and a documentary on autistic savant twin sisters. I also ate a good portion of my candy ration and took three naps.

Spending the day falling in and out of sleep when you don’t have the flu, is such a treat because the dream scene gets ramped up. It was all fun until I woke up from my last nap; I was having an orgasm dream where I was humping on a fence! Yes, a fence! It was a low, picket fence, not really anything special to it. Sometimes any piece of wood will do, I guess.

I didn’t feel shame after waking up, but I didn’t feel good about myself either. I decided to stop napping.

I am not equipped for isolation; I work two jobs, practice comedy, and really enjoy the morning gab session with parents and teachers at my kids’ school. Here I was on day one, flailing.

The inactivity in my day was offset by yet another active dream scene that night, and I woke up on Day 2 of quarantine from a nightmare that I was playing very much the fool in my current relationship.

I didn’t realize the severity, until I on went on Facebook afterward, but I went to yoga. I went straight there, and straight home, where I showered. I had to, my mental health was feeling piqued. I bumped into the owner, and asked her if they were closing. She said, she didn’t know, but they had to implement in the 6 feet distancing rules.  It was really unintentional, when I started crying, while we talked my eyes welled-up, and to my surprise, overflowed.

The same thing happened a few weeks ago, when I stood up in my storytelling class, thinking I’d tell a funny story about my cousin who passed away two years ago, and to my unexpected horror, ended up just crying my eyes out in front of a group of people I didn’t know.

The yoga studio owner, like a room full of performer artist types, is a completely safe person to accidently start crying in front of. She was really nice, and told me to do the online classes every morning when I wake up, and stick to a schedule.

I didn’t feel embarrassed as I walked away from her, but I didn’t feel too good about myself either. The day before I mocked Tom Hanks for being a whiny bitch, and here I was, being a whiny bitch.

My retail job called and told me I’m off the schedule for two weeks, and tomorrow I start moving all my courses to online for my students to finish out the term. I won’t be at a loss for things to do with that undertaking, and in addition, I have to figure out homeschooling my kids.

All comedy has come to a screeching halt. With no where to go for the next two weeks, I’ll have plenty of time to work on my writing project babies. There will be a lot of actual quarantine babies born from this period of isolation. And after the action I was getting during my third nap on day 1 of quarantine, I expect I’ll birth something ten months from now, probably a brown log, and that’s not a metaphor for my manuscript.