Keeping Calm With Oprah

A couple weeks ago, the dean sat me down and asked if I would be temporarily full-time this term. It was great timing, and I nearly jumped out of my seat I was so excited to get started. With a couple days to prepare, I got a bit stressed. I like to think I'm cool with change, but I'm reactionary when overwhelmed, with all four burners going hot, and my instinct was to believe I can't manage it all, so something has to go. Instead of shutting down the cooktop, I decided to prioritize the top three; my kids burner has to always be on, I need to make money, so career is on, and personal development, including creative work and exercise, has to be on, at least slightly, otherwise I get the mean reds. The fourth burner seemed to be the only option to temporarily turn off.

I made a couple mistake in the quick classroom takeover. Like I passed out a pre-algebra test to my trig class. They looked at the first page, solving for the perimeter of a rectangle, and I realized I fucked up, and they'd not be taking a test that day. Then I really freaked out the pre-algebra class by giving them a quiz with fractions in it, not knowing they had yet learned fractions. The first mistake probably made the students giddy, getting an out-of-the-blue snow day. However, the second mistake, made the class nearly all faint in panic.
To add to my list, I caught the most horrific cold. I have 6 hours of solid lecturing on Mondays and Wednesdays, so after one stretch, I lost my voice. When I woke up in the morning, I couldn't squeak out the constant reminders my kids need to eat their breakfast and get dressed. They sit across from each other at the table, for what seems like three hours, eating their food one teeny bite at a time. Back and forth they talk to each other, "Sister..." and then "Brother..." And I all I could do was wave clothes at them, and motion for them to shovel the food in their mouth much faster.

Im lucky, their dad and I are still friends. Were not the besties we were, but it's ok. That was the saddest part of splitting, whats going to happen to my best friend? I was talking to him on the phone while I walked around the cafeteria trying to find something to eat that wasn't deep fried, and I found a decent looking triangle sandwich in plastic wrap. It wasn't anything special, and I gasped out loud complaining, "Six dollars for a fucking sandwich!"
He replied, "That seems pretty standard to me."
Then I laughed because he was right. Of course we can't talk about everything. And we'll just say, "Nope, don't want to talk about that," when something comes up thats disinteresting for various reasons to the other person.

I was talking with someone at work, and they continued to ask about my separation, and how angry and sad I should feel about things. Initially, they started out asking how I felt, but I suppose it wasn't ridden with enough bitterness, so they tried to drill into me until they struck oil; finding uncontrollable rage exploding from me. I didn't feed into it though, I just put on my thinking face, showing I understand their motives are driven from their own emotions. I'm lucky, I listen to so much Oprah Super Soul Sundays Podcasts, I have a good understanding that anger doesn't hurt anyone except yourself.

And it's not like I don't feel sad at times. After I laughed when he said six dollars seems reasonable for a sandwich, I felt sadness. And lately, after the kids and I get home, and I drop our million bags in the entry way, and walk into my room to take off my shoes, I frequently see a wet towel on the bed and I look at it ashamed. I would get really pissed at him over the last seven years for leaving wet towels on the bed after he showered, and it turns out, it was me all along and I never realized it.

This week I needed to dig myself out of a mountain of work, and so I turned off all the burners except work and kids. And damn was I productive. This afternoon, I came to a good break, left my new office, and went on a long run. I filled up on sunshine, birds, grass, falling leaves, and Oprah, of course. Afterward I felt amazing. The all consuming stress I felt last week is gone, and in retrospect, I should have been a bit calmer about things, confident I would be able to handle what I needed to do.

I'm sure Oprah's got a podcast for letting go of stress, and I'm really looking forward to listening to it! When Oprah says, "Don't stress!" I'm not sure why, but it makes complete sense. Don't-fucking-stress! Thanks, Oprah!

~We had a birthday celebration too~