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| The Simpsons eat your heart out: we moved table in front of TV |
Kiki’s favorite
movie is DUCKumentary, a PBS documentary on ducks. She likes watching all the
ducks and the scenic shots, and I like learning obscure duck information. On
walks around Tahoe I spread the knowledge by sharing DUCKumetary facts, but this
can be off-putting to my brutish family, who then collectively shame me for
being a show off know-it-all. Luckily, I am used to it, and know they do this
out of love.
Paul Giamiati,
the actor from Sideways, narrates the movie. Sideways started a genre of movies
I like to call “The sad sad man.” After Sideways, there was a blitz of these
types of films; a middle aged man is so overcome with despair and depression he
spends the entire film moping around to finally realize he should shut the fuck
up because he’s got it a hundred times better than most people. This genre
contains such films as Wish I was Here, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Up In
The Air and The Descendants.
The last two
movies star George Clooney. George Clooney drives most women bonkers in a
sexual way, but he makes my skin crawl. The way he charms himself more than
anyone else is despicable and hard to watch. My repulsion towards George
Clooney, and his being The World's Sexiest man, even with some horrific
Roman/Frankenstein hair, has me wondering if I'm a repressed partial lesbian.
I am confident I
am not complete lesbo because I have undeniable attraction toward men, currently
and historically. Even unknown strangers can be attractive. Last summer, I went
to Philadelphia and during a silent and hung over breakfast outside a bagel
shop, I watched this street performer with the excitement of a panty-tossing
groupie. He was missing a front tooth, and playing a banjo, but there was
something luring about him.
In DUCKumentary
there are plenty of interesting facts. A type of duck called Red Heads, lay some
of their eggs in other ducks' nests in order to hedge bets that some chicks will
survive if their own nest gets attacked by prey. Seems crazy, and I’m no animal
expert, but clearly this mother’s concern for her chicks’ survival outweighs fostering
a loving relationship.
Supposedly, red
heads, the human kind, get a tough rap from the rest of the world. My friend
Jane is a nurse, and told me that during her coursework there was a lecture on
the abuse redheads receive from society. Perhaps the curriculum was outdated
because I have never witnessed a negative misconception about redheads. All I
have heard is the stereotype that they are crazy in bed, which I think is a
pretty good stereotype to have.
My grandpa is a
red head and, at 83, has a full head of red curly hair. I have never found him
to be crazy, and my grandmother never gave me inside information as to how he
behaved in the sheets, so I can’t attest to the stereotype. Out of their 6
children there was not a single red head, and only 1 of their 20 grandkids is a
redhead.
The other day, I
sat through the entire DUCKumentary movie for the first time, and realized the
last couple minutes of the film go over duck mating. The mating scene is brief,
lacking the Hollywood effects; nonetheless, loud tribal drumming is playing in
the background. Duck mating looks like one duck balancing on the other’s back
for a couple seconds. I scrunched up my face thinking about the 50 times my
daughter has watched this movie, and awkwardly laughed.
I guess its
better to get this birds and the bees business started early, and with the aid
of an Emmy award winning PBS documentary. Hopefully, it builds the foundation
to a healthy and self-aware sexual identity, so she doesn't have to ride the
wave of sexual angst I bob along; wondering if my disliking of George Clooney
indicates being a lesbian, but reaffirming heterosexuality based on the
affection I felt towards a toothless street performer. Maybe it’s a red head
thing, after all, its in my lineage.
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| Bonkers |
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| Its in their lineage too |
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