Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?

Kiki refusing to dress down for sleep

Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes. Does a baby shit in the bathtub? Not normally. It happened when I was seasoning pork chops in the kitchen. The kitchen is just outside the bathroom, and I figured I could multitask. I'd run to the kitchen to do a brief task then pop back into the bathroom to see George splashing in the tub, and Kiki standing next to the tub, singing and filling up cups of water and pouring them back in the tub. She had on her bathing suit and was pretending to sunbath while laying on a towel she spread on the floor.

The worst of my worries while working quickly in the kitchen is that George would get maniacal in a splashing session and I’d have to clean up a sopping mess. I returned to the bathroom from the kitchen and had my phone in hand. I was looking down at it trying to read the recipe to see what I needed to do next and Kiki said, “Is that poop?”
Based on the crime scene, George’s intention wasn’t to shit in the tub. I moved the phone down, and looked in her face. She pointed next to my feet. There was a turd inches away from my flip-flop. Luckily, I didn’t panic and step into it. I assessed the area. It looked like he got out of the tub, pooped on the bath mat and then climbed back into the tub, smearing poop onto the tub, and finishing up the job in the water.

It was fucking disgusting. Suddenly, the sight of poop made me realize it smelled like poop. After seeing him pick a bath toy up, I screeched, and slapped the toy out of his hand. I yanked him from the water. He was throwing a fit because I ruined him calming spa session.

Kiki, who silently watched on as George climbed out of the tub, shit on the floor and then clumsily climbed his poop butt back into the tub, to poop a little more, was on my toes because she was completely captivated by the scene. I pulled the drain plug as we walked out of the bathroom and I shut the door. After everyone was in their pajamas and we were getting milks and ready to read books, I gave George eye contact and explained to him that pooping in the bathtub is not allowed, ever.

After the kids went to bed I cleaned up the bathroom. All the poop went in the toilet, and everything that couldn’t be bleached went in the trash. Poor mermaid Barbie, took a Cleveland Steamer, and because I didn’t feel like figuring out how to disinfect her long flowing blonde hair, I just chucked her in the trash. Then, I bleached the bathroom from top to bottom.

Today Kingsley was cracking up throughout the day bringing up the poop incident. I was joking with her, and said, “We can’t give George his bath until after he goes poopoo because someone took a number 2 in the bathtub.” Kiki is my little lady who wants to dress every day like it is her quinceanera. She even wants to dress in formal wear when she goes to bed, so for her to not scream in disgust after watching her brother shit on the floor is a bit mind-boggling. Is this the future, Kiki entertained by George acting like a freaking lunatic, keeping hush until the spectacle is over, so she can laugh about it later? I suppose the best answer would be, does a bear shit in the woods?