Miso Purdy and Phone Obsessed

I see you George, even when Im captivated by information that seems to be constantly updating but never changing

A resolution to not sit on my phone during idle time was easily settled upon after being in Mexico for the first week of the New Year. I did not pay to get an international phone plan, so I spent a week without a phone. The phone was zipped up in the side pocket of my carryon bag, unbeknownst to the hotel staff, hiding in plain sight, and I carried on my week of relaxation just as I normally would except I didn’t have a phone always in my hand or within arm’s reach.

Since I didn’t have my phone on hand I went the entire vacation without taking a single picture. The trip was very enjoyable, but didn't need to be memorialized in digital print, as we spent the most of the time in the pool, or next to the pool, or at the beach below the pool. Had I had a camera, and been taking pictures with the same frequency I do back at home, I would have 300 pictures of the same thing. The only time I did wish I had a camera was when I went to Señor Frogs. They have bar stools where the backs are butts in different varieties of undies, with tattoos or kiss marks. Very cute, especially when a baby is sitting in the chair. So I lined up with the kids in the bar stools and asked my sister to take our picture. We were all set to say cheese, and my sister said, "Where is your camera?" I told her I didn't have one and to use hers, but she didn't have one either. Truly a great moment lost forever because my sister was also on a week without a phone and too bogged down to carry along a bulky camera as well.

Another reason a camera wasn't necessary is my not being as picture perfect as I'd hope to be. I'd be haunched over spraying sunblock on the kids and my dad would come up behind and take a great photo of my kids face next to my bright and shiny butt. To wear mascara, even waterproof, is not too appealing because by the time lunch rolls around there will be black makeup smudged down my cheeks giving the impression I have been crying over a bottle of vodka all morning. And my hair, which is a totally different life force in the Caribbean climate is always wet. If I tried to blow dry my hair in Cancun, it would take 4 hours, and I'd probably need to use a blow torch. I took a shower and went to meet my little sister who immediately grinned, and told me my hair reminded her of The Predator. I think she could sense my reaction to punch her in the stomach, and she said, "That's a compliment!" Being compared to a murderous monster from a childhood movie is never a compliment, but I was easily swayed to relax as it is the vibe pulsating through the resort.

I did bring a camera on the trip, but every time I went to leave the hotel room, and would see my bulky camera bag, I’d look down at my enormous beach bag bursting with diapers, shovels, floatation devices, sunscreen, water bottles, towels, changes of clothes, and I’d say to myself, “The camera is not coming. I will just hide this in plain sight under a pile of dirty laundry.” 

The camera bag is the size of a child’s lunchbox and when the camera is not in the bag it hangs from my neck with the mindless undulations of a set of large non-bolstered women’s breasts. So I smack a thousand dollar camera in my kids’ face when I am going into give them a kiss, making me feel quite guilty and them utterly confused. At least it wont cost me anything to smack the camera into some doughy flesh, but it will cost me greatly, if I swing around to get my stroller from rolling into the street and hit my camera onto a bus billboard of a woman wearing a thong bikini getting great relief from the scorching sun thanks to her very refreshing Fanta cola. Who am I kidding? If my camera broke, I’d hardly notice it is missing from my life, since I can’t be bothered to use it once I got an iPhone. Since getting an iPhone my camera, that 3 years ago was the height of technology, has been shelved, practically shunned. As if it were on a giant tripod where I drape a black sheet over my head to snap the shot, the piece of equipment has become terribly outdated to me now.

When not on vacation I take about 10 pictures a day, they are mainly of my kids with a selfie or landscape here and there. Probably too many selfies than I am willing to admit to, but I have this condition, it's called Miso Purdy, and I can't help my selfie tendencies. The cell phone camera has made picture taking so convenient, thoughtless, and possibly even reactionary to anything that gives off feelings of joy that it has become less a mechanism of capturing a unique memory and more a tool of cataloging a living life. The idea of taking a picture with an actual camera to freeze a memory more meaningful than a moment where I say, “awe, how cute!” is as preposterous as not carrying around a phone at all.

I think George suffers from Miso Purdy too.

Since returning home I have not been loyal to my resolution. I would really benefit from some type of app that would not allow me onto certain sites during day time hours, or even better, I'd benefit from some self control. I don’t know what it is, but this phone is like crack. I actually have no excuse to even own one for more than entertainment reasons aside from GPS, as I am not working a job where I need to be in constant communication, or read urgent emails. Im still riding the waves of relaxation though, as I don't really care too much. Next month, I can really tackle this issue, along with the self control, and I might as well bump flossing my teeth to next month as well, since they all seem to be intact and functioning well. It's all good.