That Cee Lo Green Song

"What was that?!"

George lost his TV privileges after he shouted that Cee LoGreen song in response to my telling him to put the salami back in the fridge, were eating dinner in 5 minutes. It was the tone of how he said it, really, that set me off.

I explained to his dad about the foul language outburst, and he asked where he could have heard that.

“I have no idea,” I replied.

I didn’t feel like explaining a real rough scene that went down in the parking lot of KB nails after I refused to let some bitchy man take out his shitty day on me in the form of a lesson on merging lanes. To defend my honor, and demonstrate the opposite of being bent over, I angrily recited that Cee Lo Green song, using the wrong tone.

Their dad suggested I stop letting them watch Jumanji 2 because it’s PG-13, and giving them bad ideas. I informed him that the most offensive word said in that movie is “penis” and that our kids have the inclination to run around the house after a bath like they’re working their way through medical school without having to take out any student loans.

And to even up the blame game, I reminded him that Kendrick Lamar offers up a nice well of colorful language.

My daughter’s class voted for the “Good Neighbor.” She told me who she voted for because she’s always nice to her, then said, “I’m not always positive so I didn’t get chosen.”

I’m glad she’s realizing that crumpling up her paper, and screaming, “You hate me!” at the teacher isn’t a productive reaction to not completing her morning work on time.

I said, “It’s ok, you’re working on it.”

I suffer from extreme optimism. It’s off-putting to a lot of realists who chalk up my positive Tony Robbins motivational quotes as being dismissive or my being a lousy listener. I guess those disgruntled nonpaying customers will find something else to fester on after reminding me that my cheerleading isn’t necessary. There I go again, with the compulsive silver lining.

Staying positive takes work, and it usually involves exhausting myself of all pent up energy by running every morning. Now that it’s raining I am back in the gym. I listen to music, but instead of looking at trees and clouds, I have to watch Kelly Clarkson entertain a wild bunch of enthusiastic adults who look like their about to have an aneurism with every back and forth comment between Kelly and her celebrity guest. It’s like Sesame Street for adults and I endure nonstop embarrassment from the scene by loudly commenting and cringing at the TV like I'm the only one in the room. Everyone has head phones in, so I can’t look crazy.

Of course, I’ll get some looks, but I practice what I preach. After my daughter voiced her distress about having knee jerk negative reactions, I told her, “You can’t worry about what other people think about you! You’re always getting better, even when something bad happens.”

Then we made cookies and listened to Lily Allen.