I’m planning a remodel on the kitchen. Presently, it is a
small galley kitchen, and we’d like to extend it on one side, and blow out the
wall blocking it from the living room. A construction/design team came over to
the house; we discussed what we want and what we're able to spend.
This last part, although it was a five minute discussion,
left no impression on them as they left to draw up the plans because when we
got the budget last night, it's almost
50% greater than what we initially told them. I’m planning to take this
estimate, give it to my kids to practice their safety scissors, then sweep it
into a bucket, pee on it, and leave it outside for the skunks to have a
confetti party with.
All I could say was, “You got to be fucking kidding me!” Two
times during our meeting with them, they made my skin crawl, so perhaps I
manifested this overblown estimate from the get-go, with my negative
perception. Firstly, when they came over to talk about the plan, and we
mentioned the budget, they said, “We have a guy…” (anyone who starts a sentence
this way is trying to run a job on you) then followed it up with, “Who offers
same-as-cash loans.”
I said, “Bitch, get out of my house. I thought I hired a
fucking contractor not a loan shark.” Nah, I didn’t really say this, I just
gave a patronizing smile and rolled my eyes because I put too much passive in
my aggression. The designer brought this guy up again during our plan review,
and brought up another payment plan option for purchasing appliances through a
showroom they know of.
After hearing this second attempt at having us go further in
debt, I wish I would have stood up, taken this lady by the shoulders, and
started shaking her while shouting into her face, to make it perfectly clear, “I
am not taking out more loans and payment plans to pay for this shit. It’s cash,
or nothing. Strapping more debt onto my belt is the last thing I want, in fact the
absence of more debt trumps having a better kitchen.”
I get it that everyone is trying to make dat money, but
whats the point in discussing budget if its not taken into consideration,
whatsoever. Then something happened that really infuriated me, the contractor,
after my husband told him this is way too much for us to spend, he said, “Let
me take a look at it again, and see what I can do.”
That reply, that fucking reply, has led me to say, “He’s
dead to me!”
Why did he send over an estimate that can be shrunk down? I
don’t like the way he’s conducting business, it should be the fairest price
from the beginning, no fat to be trimmed from inflated costs because the
customers using a same-as-cash loan
(what the fuck does that even mean?)
It reminds me of when I called Comcast to cancel my service
because I was paying close to a car payment for cable and internet. I spoke
with the representative, and he said, “How about you keep your plan, and I’ll
make it a hundred dollars cheaper?”
I was shocked; “How about you back pay me then the $100 a
month I’ve paid you for the last year too.” It shouldn’t be legal that some
people pay $80 for the same service another person is paying $200 for. If price were based individually on how much the customer
is willing to spend, then I’d rather not do business with you.
Our kitchen is not is bad shape, its just small and
secluded. I’m still happy, its not like we aren’t eating. The kitchen functions
fine. We can take our home improvement money, and use it in other ways, like
put in a swimming pool to help us through the agony of Sacramento Summer, or
pave our driveway that is 1/3 dirt, or buy a new sofa since ours has surely
soaked up a gallon of milk by now, or paint the walls that are tagged up with
crayon and grubby hand prints.
Before I paint the walls, the kids better make me the craft
project with their handprints, and the poem about how those dirty handprints on
the walls are just temporary. It goes something like this:
Yo Ma, don’t get
your panties in a bunch
This hand print is from my peanut butter lunch
One
day I’ll be a grown up too
You’ll stare at this print and think of your boo
My house is relatively small square footage. I think this
is a plus because it means less shit to clean, and the kids are always within
hearing range. But thinking of return on investment, it would actually be
ridiculously stupid to spend that kind of money on a kitchen remodel in a house
our size. I am certain the contractor is aware of this fact, which is
especially annoying. The value of our house currently and the value of our
house after remodeling should be directly related.
You know the real estate motto, “You always get back money
you put into your kitchen and bathrooms.” Well, that wouldn’t be the case if we
put 40K into our kitchen. Based on square footage, we wouldn’t be able to sell
our house for it’s current value plus 40K. I’m sure there is some real estate
or house flipping terminology for that, but I’m just going to call it common
sense.
I'm fired up, but it will burn out soon. If the estimate comes back and is still asinine, I can cool my jets by thinking of that new pool I'll be jumping in too.
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